The Task
Find a church somewhere and light my candle of thanksgiving and prayer. That was number one on my “To do” list as I embarked on my first trip outside the country, another continent at that. I was going to Melbourne, Australia for two weeks. The thought of me flying more than ten (10) hours already scared me. More so, that I was travelling alone and I had to go past Hongkong too.
The trip was far from perfect but it was more comfortable and easy than I expected. All the more I felt I needed to fulfill the urge to do my number one task. I had so much to be thankful for. However, we had to wait for days before I could do just that. Unlike in the Philippines while most churches are open during weekdays and the Blessed Sacrament chapel welcomes everyone in prayer, churches there are open only mostly on weekends. I attended mass at a nearby church the Sunday after I came and I felt really connected to my family and my country as well. I was just so happy to do the candle lighting.
The Confusion
“Place your donation and click on the button to light the candle.” I asked myself if this was the place I had to light the candle but I found no other place in sight. So I placed my donation, click on the button and the electronic candle lighted. I said my prayers and still felt God’s presence amidst my confusion.
The Realization
On my way home, I was struggling with the thought of lighting my candles the way I do in the Philippines. Strike the match, light the long brown stick, pass the flame to the wick of the candle, blow the flame on the stick, watch my candle’s flame and say my prayers. Watching the flame go up I also felt my prayers went with it. And even as I leave, I make sure my candles are still lit so prayers are continued even if I’m no longer there. Lighting the electronic candles however did not remove from me the feeling of communicating to God in prayer. I felt God’s presence just the same. My confusion has made me realized a few things:
1. Wherever we go, there will always be an urge to connect to some greater power.
We may have different ways of expressing our faith, we all have the same goal: to be connected to a power greater than us. A power that guides us, protects us and makes us one. Electronic or not, the candles are there to remind us of God’s presence and our need to communicate with him in our own unique way.
2. Our God, is the God of our times.
Jesus spoke in parables during his time. He was talking about the sower, the fishermen, the Pharisees and other relevant activities of that time. If Jesus came today, would it be logical for him to talk about the same things to be able to convey his message? I think not. Rather, he would proclaim using the issues of our times. Electronic or not, the light on the candle represents God’s faithful presence guiding us throughout the course of history.
God became man. He came to be one of us. Now that answers my confusion. My ritual was not relevant at that time but another ritual was. It may be different but still the same. God still hears my prayers, loves and accepts me as I am. Electronic or not, my candles are lit.
The challenge is on me now. How can I be a light to others? Regardless of what I am made of, I have the capacity to be light and to bring light. Good or bad, I am equipped with a heart that is capable to love and hands capable to help. It all lies in my willingness to receive the flame from the lighted brown stick or just the push of the button. May God continue to bless me on my journey, in my struggle of being a light to others.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Hysterectomy
Dealing and living with it
“I am every woman, it’s all in me”. So goes Whitney Houston’s song. Sadly, at some point though, I could not fully relate to that. Well, at least naturally (biologically). My ultrasound result clearly reads: UTERUS- Surgically Absent. Oouuch! Would anybody care to explain that?
Alright, I am woman less the uterus! That part of a woman’s reproductive system where conceived babies stay temporarily for nine months before they make their official entry to the world. It is the perfect place for babies to grow as their mothers nurture them to become useful individuals to our society. It is through this special and distinct woman body part that a woman performs a significant role that I could no longer function. A role, women who underwent hysterectomy are rendered useless. Hysterectomy stripped of that role from me seven years back. My uterus was removed at an early age of twenty nine (29) due to multiple uterine myoma. My doctors said they will try to keep the uterus for me to have kids in the future but only told me with regret after the operation that it was no longer possible. I had Total Abdominal Hysterectomy.
In a culture where motherhood is seen as the ultimate measure of being a woman, being unable to bear a child goes more than just being partially disabled physically. It almost carries a social stigma. However, with the emergence of the different roles of women in our society today, the woman’s essence is no longer defined by her biological experience of being a mother. Motherhood has extended to more than just bearing and giving birth to a child. It is now measured by the capacity of woman to nurture.
It has been seven years since I underwent the procedure. I tell you, these years have been one of the most fruitful years of my being a woman. If Sushmita Sen has opted to adopt a child to fulfill her motherly instincts, I have fulfilled my motherly instincts in more ways than one. The path of hysterectomy is surely not smooth. However, I assure you that the journey is pleasurable as long as you are willing to accept and live it. I am offering a few tips on dealing with hysterectomy based on my very own experience.
1. Ask your doctor all you want to ask. This will provide you enough information to combat false notions about the procedure and prevents you from falling into the wrong concepts of other people.
2. Read and research all you want. This will open your mind and expand your learning based on your doctor’s explanation. It will also give you more ideas of more questions to ask and be able to relate to other women who have undergone the same procedure.
3. Accept and be open about it. A counselor once told me that the more you are able to talk openly about a certain hurt in the past, the more you’re freed of the bondage of pain. Talk a friend, priest or a counselor. Be careful also in choosing the person/s that you have decided to share your feelings and ideas with. Not all are mature enough to understand your situation. What is important is you don’t feel different but rather feel accepted and loved.
4. Involve yourself in something that makes you happy. Discover your passion and pursue it. If it’s doing a certain craft, then try to develop it. If getting a pet makes you happy and fulfill your nurturing instincts, then get one. If involving in social work, community organization and pursuing causes makes you a better person, then by all means do it. The more you involve yourself with and for others; you will realize how much you are blessed.
5. Enjoy life! There is more to life than just losing your uterus. Move on and enjoy life to the fullest. Life is too short to be spent on self pity, grudges and all the pains in the world. After all, life is how we make it. In the greater scheme of things, what really matters most is being able to fulfill your purpose. The path may be difficult but the journey depends on how you take it.
“I am every woman, it’s all in me”. So goes Whitney Houston’s song. Sadly, at some point though, I could not fully relate to that. Well, at least naturally (biologically). My ultrasound result clearly reads: UTERUS- Surgically Absent. Oouuch! Would anybody care to explain that?
Alright, I am woman less the uterus! That part of a woman’s reproductive system where conceived babies stay temporarily for nine months before they make their official entry to the world. It is the perfect place for babies to grow as their mothers nurture them to become useful individuals to our society. It is through this special and distinct woman body part that a woman performs a significant role that I could no longer function. A role, women who underwent hysterectomy are rendered useless. Hysterectomy stripped of that role from me seven years back. My uterus was removed at an early age of twenty nine (29) due to multiple uterine myoma. My doctors said they will try to keep the uterus for me to have kids in the future but only told me with regret after the operation that it was no longer possible. I had Total Abdominal Hysterectomy.
In a culture where motherhood is seen as the ultimate measure of being a woman, being unable to bear a child goes more than just being partially disabled physically. It almost carries a social stigma. However, with the emergence of the different roles of women in our society today, the woman’s essence is no longer defined by her biological experience of being a mother. Motherhood has extended to more than just bearing and giving birth to a child. It is now measured by the capacity of woman to nurture.
It has been seven years since I underwent the procedure. I tell you, these years have been one of the most fruitful years of my being a woman. If Sushmita Sen has opted to adopt a child to fulfill her motherly instincts, I have fulfilled my motherly instincts in more ways than one. The path of hysterectomy is surely not smooth. However, I assure you that the journey is pleasurable as long as you are willing to accept and live it. I am offering a few tips on dealing with hysterectomy based on my very own experience.
1. Ask your doctor all you want to ask. This will provide you enough information to combat false notions about the procedure and prevents you from falling into the wrong concepts of other people.
2. Read and research all you want. This will open your mind and expand your learning based on your doctor’s explanation. It will also give you more ideas of more questions to ask and be able to relate to other women who have undergone the same procedure.
3. Accept and be open about it. A counselor once told me that the more you are able to talk openly about a certain hurt in the past, the more you’re freed of the bondage of pain. Talk a friend, priest or a counselor. Be careful also in choosing the person/s that you have decided to share your feelings and ideas with. Not all are mature enough to understand your situation. What is important is you don’t feel different but rather feel accepted and loved.
4. Involve yourself in something that makes you happy. Discover your passion and pursue it. If it’s doing a certain craft, then try to develop it. If getting a pet makes you happy and fulfill your nurturing instincts, then get one. If involving in social work, community organization and pursuing causes makes you a better person, then by all means do it. The more you involve yourself with and for others; you will realize how much you are blessed.
5. Enjoy life! There is more to life than just losing your uterus. Move on and enjoy life to the fullest. Life is too short to be spent on self pity, grudges and all the pains in the world. After all, life is how we make it. In the greater scheme of things, what really matters most is being able to fulfill your purpose. The path may be difficult but the journey depends on how you take it.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Video Scandals...where do you stand?
Amidst the hype of the Katrina-Kho video scandal, I stand in fear witnessing the different reactions from diverse sectors of the Filipino society. This event has shortly sparked something inside of us not only as a nation but also as a conservative religious race that we seem to be as compared to our neighbors in this part of the world. After days of endless media barrage, here is my few cents worth:
I don’t know how this has affected or portrayed of us as a nation. We out rightly condemn foreigners who malign our fellowmen working abroad. Desperate housewives’ unwanted lines about Filipino medical practitioners, the Hongkong writer who wrote in bad taste about our domestic helpers, Alec Baldwin talking about getting a mail order bride from this side of the word during a late night show to name a few. So easy for us to react and defend our countrymen. But I ask you now…what have we done to stop the malicious spreading of this scandalous videos like Katrina and Hayden Kho’s video? Chances are, we have watched in part or in whole the videos. Some of us might have passed it on to friends.
Where do you stand now?
- Though a lot stand in utter defense of Katrina, they still found themselves watching the video. Was it merely because of curiosity? Was it for sake art of to see two beautiful individuals doing artistic love expression? Whatever may be the person’s reason for watching the video, there is only one thing sure. Scandals like this will never stop unless there are people who will continue downloading, watching and sharing it to others.
- Subjected to much ridicule, mockery and rejection; Katrina could have opted to hide and be mum about everything. A slightly painful path she could have taken. However, I admire her strength for standing up, owning her faults and fighting for her rights as a woman. This time, she has opted to take most excruciating risk of exposing everything about her. Not to mention the countless times she might be asked to recount all her painful experience. I just hope she perseveres until the end and do not take cue from what Nicole did a few months back.
- Though in essence there is enough reason for people to react about this whole incident, a part of me is questioning why politicians has in a way taken advantage of this happening to propel their political interest. Why only now have they moved to revoke license of a certain professional and budge towards finding better ways to prevent the spreading of malicious videos. Why is there not much reaction from the senate when similar videos were downloaded and spread through the internet involving public figures a few months back?
I don’t know how this has affected or portrayed of us as a nation. We out rightly condemn foreigners who malign our fellowmen working abroad. Desperate housewives’ unwanted lines about Filipino medical practitioners, the Hongkong writer who wrote in bad taste about our domestic helpers, Alec Baldwin talking about getting a mail order bride from this side of the word during a late night show to name a few. So easy for us to react and defend our countrymen. But I ask you now…what have we done to stop the malicious spreading of this scandalous videos like Katrina and Hayden Kho’s video? Chances are, we have watched in part or in whole the videos. Some of us might have passed it on to friends.
Where do you stand now?
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